Must I even consider losing as an option? Do I even have a choice if something is bound to disappear? Will I get by eventually and get used to the reality that some things are not meant to stay? Will I be brave enough to accept that some things just simply run out?
Soon enough I can no longer contain time, for as it is like grain or sand, time continues to slip through my fingers. I used to have time to spare, and though I know it is a matter of choice to maintain time for people and things that matter, sometimes time simply runs out even if I force myself to be against its constraints. I know I am almost out of time I used to spend on people and things without feeling guilty of having to miss out on other important concerns, or the other way around, though it cuts both ways. The sad part is, I do not know how to reverse the situation. I cannot even take a second look nor a steady glance at the choices I have. I have resigned to the idea that time can never be a luxury that I can own, but only an essence that I can borrow.
Yes, I can no longer afford to give time even if my senses enclosed in chains rally to be freed from bondage of senseless passion and nonsense idolatry.I have been consumed. I have expired. The only consolation I have is, even if I wallow on borrowed time, I have contained in a glass enough sand of time that used to be mine to begin with-when I did not have to pay a lease for a moment with myself or with the people who keep me whole-enough to fuel my illusion that I can be happy with memories of good old times.
It could be that I am shattered with no time to call my own, but I think I have gained enough of what I have spent. May everything gets better in time.