How you love to hate me now.

Brushing and untangling the threads back then nearly drove me crazy but I stayed, until you pulled that one weak thread and I just snapped. I turned my back and walked away leaving you to believe it was the petty argument I was so upset with. I did not even bother to clarify things or offer reasons at all. I gave you silence because when you pulled  that one weak thread, it was enough to dry me out of words to say. I have nothing else left to say. I do not know what to feel and how to feel anymore.

Holding my weak thread, you continue to have power over me. In my silence, you had all the words to say in order to make me feel worthless and miserable because you could not get me to speak of reasons you would like to hear why it had been (for you) too easy for me to just throw away what we have. In my silence, I did not bother to express that you were wrong to say that I did the thing you hate I did without thinking how it would hurt us both. I did it with a heavy heart. You should know better. You cast the weight upon my heart yourself.

What I did is unforgivable.

You are taking what I decided to end with you to your grave, to your last breath, to eternal damnation. The rage is clear and regret is not visible. You said I killed you. Well you have killed me twice. You got all threads wound up on me leaving me no room to breath. You are unwilling to accept how sorry I am that things would have to amount to this but you left me with no choice because for you, I have no right to leave you. You have left me many times and yet we got to where we were before I mustered my own courage to do it myself that time. It is true that I did not even give it a second thought. I did it carelessly. Well I have been careful and caring for a long time, but the burning threads had to stop. You have scarred me way too deep.

It easier to ravage the rubble than resurrect it.

The threads are unmanageable. It takes a long to time to untangle, but it takes a split second to coil them, tear them, destroy them or throw them away. You are unwillingly to restore peace because of what seems to be a crime that I committed against you. You think you are the only one who is in pain here. You have all the right to destroy me because what I did to you is unacceptable. You have my weak thread, so I think you can do whatever you want. So if you think living with the wreckage will make things better for us, then burn the ashes further. I have nothing left to offer. There is nothing left in me for you destroy so you are only wasting your time.

I don’t know you anymore.

You said you are the same person I used to know but I taught you just how you are supposed to treat me by the feelings I accused you of making me feel. For you, my wrecked feelings are accusations and never real. You don’t believe in me. I now understand why it is easy for you to hate me as much as you love me. Do you even love me after all? Well it does not matter now I guess. Even if I wanted to take back the things I have said and undo the things I did, it would never change the truth I have seen surfaced out from you that I have not known before, and I would not want to risk being faced with the scary stranger I am facing now ever again.

I have said sorry already. For you. For everything. End of thread.


Author: Acey

I bleed coffee.

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