Drunk on the Idea of Brokenness

Brokenness.

People get hurt. People get broken. People feel pain. I get it. What now?

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I want to understand why being hurt, being broken, being pained, have to be addictive. We are drawn to these bad feelings but we shed silent tears trying to endure for as long as we can the unfair torture these crappy feelings give us when in fact, being relieved from these undesirable feelings is our choice. I don’t think we don’t have a choice here. I don’t think we are clueless as to what remedies we have for our brokenness. We just love the feeling of being hurt, being broken, being pained, because crying to get over the shitty feelings give us a different kind of rush.

We forget we can turn our backs from these feelings. We forget we hold the cure for these feelings. We forget that we can turn our brokenness around.

We forget.

We have allowed ourselves to be broken and forget that the great fix is something we are really best at. We mislead ourselves into believing that the one who breaks us is the one who is supposed to fix us. That is just a whole lot of crap. People break us without regard for our broken pieces. They are too preoccupied expressing their own pains upon us when they break us, unconscious where they might have left us bleeding or incomplete. That is the truth about breaking someone, a truth more painful than the motive.

We fix ourselves. Who else will?

We don’t wait for others to fix us. Others too, can’t wait for us to fix them. Their better knowledge of themselves renders us inferior in matters of fixing. So might as well, we comfort our own hurting feelings, embrace our own brokenness, pay attention to our own pains. We can never be disillusioned that others will be more comforting, more caring, and more attentive than we are to ourselves when it comes to our hurt, brokenness and pain.

What now?

It is a bit disappointing that we still cannot let go of the hurt, the brokenness and the pain. Even if we know we can. Because living with brokenness is more convenient than wearing crunches to show we are healing. Yes it is true. We are too proud to go through healing.

I still don’t get it. So what?

But then again, I can never talk myself through all these brokenness drama while I am still broken myself. I can’t do anything about your brokenness too.

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Author: Acey

I bleed coffee.

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